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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?